New Blog

Hey, y'all...
I've got a new blog!

http://theductapelady.tumblr.com/

Sorry I didn't tell you bout it sooner.
Now You can actually get a chance to hear the songs I write!
TUmbLeR is amazingg.
And so is Jesus.

Listen

I am turning my ipod off.
Why?
Because.
You need to listen!
how often does it snow in Viriginia Beach?
Like, really, really SNOW.
Like, never.
So, here is my advice to YOU.
Go outside.
Or for our more tropical-loving friends, Stand by your window.
Turn off the music.
Let Him serenade you with His beatiful silence.
The snow muffles the noise and dampens the clamor.
Lay in the snow, bundled in miles of fabric.
He breathes in and out.
Puffs of little, cold tingles tickle your neck where your scarf leaks.
And it snows on the world.
And it snows on YOU.
And He LOVES ON YOU.

SO. Embrace the snow. Like my brother. :)

Beautiful Again

You are the apple of my eye,
And though you were lost for awhile,
I bought you back, I paid the ransom,
Cause no price is too high.
I made you beautiful
When no one thought that you could be,
Put you there, cause I don't care
What the human eye may see.
-God

I've been away for quite awhile,
Living this way has been a trial,
But You'd make me so happy
If I could find a way to make you smile.
You made me beautiful again,
Proved to me You're more than a friend,
And when the world looks back,
We'll be gone though we've been right on track.
-me

I love you, it's true
No denying, we'd be lying.
So take my hand, I'll say to you.
What I have been dying to.

Color Me In

You sketched the blueprints,
Architechtures of life,
Plans for the world,
Colored in light.

Then You set forth
Animals on land,
Birds in the air,
Fish in the sea.

You put the songs
In the lungs of the birds,
You wrote the verse,
To the universe.

Wisdom and Truth;
You've got the recipe,
You've captured it perfectly,
Along with the rest of me.

When You said to me
You believed in me
All of my colors
Started to breathe.

Then You grabbed hold,
Hold of my soul,
Put me together,
And made me whole.

You took of Yourself
To make me one.
You colored me in
With the blood of Your Son.

Inventor of color,
Giver of light,
You are my Lover,
And the Lord of my life.

The People Person that Never Learned...

Yup, that's me. And that's all there is to it. I thrive on communication. I love to voice my opinion. I like to talk to real people, and talk to God, and somethines to imaginary people, and make them talk back. I like to figure things out. Figure people out. Discover what makes them tick. How God talks specifially to them. The same goes for myself. What makes me tick? This is one of the most difficult questions for me. The reason being, that the more you know a person, the more complex it becomes when trying to "figure them out" (it's not necessarily harder, just more complicated because you know more about them, and the options just keep on coming). And I know myself better than just about anyone I know (BESIDES Jesus, OF COURSE). How God's mind works is definitely the most wonderful and grueling task ever. It is one I plan to spend my entire life discovering, one piece at a time. I remember once trying to get a vague idea into my mind about what God looked like by drawing a picture. I was oh, about five or six-ish. I drew Him all in yellow-gold-and-blue half-broken crayola with six fingers on each hand to show that He was "extra-powerful"! How much I desired to figure out a better way to describe my Jesus, but that was as far as I could surmise, thanks to my humanly-limited understanding. Looking back, I haven't changed much.

I also take critique very seriously. This can pose a problem for me, because when a person likes to make people talk, they will inevitably succeed at times. Some people gladly respond, happy for someone with whom to share their feelings. And some people like others to mind their own business and do not like to be talked to, and, in return, give critique quite freely. I have so many memories of crying my eyes out in my mother's arms because I had tried to make conversation with someone who didn't want to be messed with. Now, I no longer cry on my mother's lap, but instead vent my frustrations to an understanding God. As you can see, I still haven't changed much. I have never fully learned to take criticism in context. Neither had I learned that criticism isn't a bad thing. And another thing: I didn't understand the power of my own words. Words are SO powerful. With words, the universe came into existence. With words, paralitics walked and blind men saw, and the dead came to life. And with words, a person can shoot another man down and turn him off to the gospel. This is the greatest tragedy. You all know of the verse that describes the tongue as a two-eged sword. Proverbs talks a LOT about words. In chapter 26:18-19 says, "like a madman shooting firebrands or dealy arrows is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!' This verse especially speaks to me. Don't try to cover up what you messed up. Go to them and admit your mistake. Love on them to show you are really sorry! Beg for mercy(but don't creep them out, cause that could make it worse). You are representatives of Christ!

I am convicting myself as I convict my fellow Christians. I am no better! I am a mindless rambler and meddler. Proverbs 26:17 says, "Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is one who meddles in a quarrel not his own." This one speaks for itself, I think, but this is yet another weakness of mine. I sometimes feel obligated to break up tensions and solve other people's problems. I'm not saying you should let those you love at each others' throats and the heck with the consequences, though. And if you're babysitting and the little angels you're watching get into some giant dispute over whether to watch spongebob or hannah montana, what do you do? You're not gonna just sit back and relax to watch the commercials when the trucks and barbies and tv remotes start flying....yeah. That's not what this is about. But you knew that.

This is a bit confusing, I know. But I'm still working on it, too. And, yeah, I still like to talk. But now I 'm learning to glorify God whenever I do it. And it's hard. But who said life was easy?
Probably a wordy person like me.

sorry for the supah longness, guys.

Food Mart

I'm writing You love notes in the blank back pages of this book,
Cause I don't mind who sees it - I want the world to look.
I'm so drenched in Your love;
I see it in everything,
Like smiles on doorknobs,
And grins in the margarine.
Like strong currents in a river,
Like the hands holding me;
Like the tingles when I shiver
Like the leaves on a tree.
I'm dancing down the aisles of the empty food mart,
Cause every time I hear Your name I nearly fall apart.

WHy nOT?

Why isn't my heart rent in two,
When I see all the people who are living without You?
Why isn't my spirit crushed
When every day children die without taking that first breath?
Why is my heart not breaking,
When I see the chances we've been taking.
Why isn't this generation
Responding to the cry of the nations?
And why are we okay
With living this way?
...just something that's been on my heart.

Another Picture

It's song time again! :)

Clouds are gathering,
The ground is shaking,
Distant thunder rumbles,
And I can hear every breath You're taking.

Heaven's tears,
Precious years,
Sweetly remembered,
Hope it's here to stay.

Last time You
Went too soon,
And we cried,
Washing me,
Washing me away.

Oh, when I
See Your eyes,
Holding me,
Loving me,
It makes me want to cry!

When all you want is peace,
But love's become diseased,
And it's become impossible
To put your mind at ease,

I pull my camera out
So when the dullnes fades,
I won't forget, I will be new,
Learning from what I've gone through.

Cause I will be new,
But won't forget
The times that were hard,
My endless regrets;
This picture of rainy days.

Flooded rivers,
Sweetened shivers,
Endlessly, over me,
Washing my pictures away, away,
Washing my pictures away.

Clouds are breaking;
I'm no longer shaking,
But I still have my memories
To remember the rainy days.

Here I Am!!! (not)

Sighhh......sometimes I feel like nobody takes me seriously(If you do, though, and are reading this post, you know all this and don't need to worry:). I am very easily judged, and tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I can't help it. I'm a happy person. But does anybody take the time to think that maybe they have to get to know me before they can really discover the real me? Although I'm outward about some of my thoughts and my feelings, I don't tend to really open up to someone immediately unless I really know them and feel comfortable around them, or I feel Jesus is telling me to share something. Neither am I saying, "Here I am! Accept me! Love me! NOW! And I don't give a rip about your stupid, depressed feelings cause you are NOT gonna bring me down today!!" I am very much against this way of thinking. However, my feelings are not all rainbows, hearts and flowers. I have regrets. I have deep, sentimental feelings. I have scarrs. And my past and present life is not, I repeat, NOT perfect in any sense of the word. Is it such a crime that I choose not to dwell on the things of the past? Am I wronging others when I genuinely smile and want to know how they're doing? Please, dear reader, know that, contrary to apparent popular belief, I do not surround myself with happiness to block out a world of gloom. It took me a long time to obtain this sense of peace. It is my most precious possession, my favorite gift from God. Without it, I am not myself. Without Him, I am nothing. My joy comes from the LORD.

A Picture of Rainy Days

Rain, rain, rain. Wow, I love rain! Especially when it means no school! All my classes were canceled today, so I got to have a bit of fun(plus some much needed sleep)! As you can see, I uploaded a new picture to head my blog. I took this outside today, in the rain. I'm very pleased with the outcome. Also, I moved my playlist to the side, to avoid scrolling up and down and all over the page! It gets cut off a little, so leave me a comment if you don't like it, and I'll see what I can do.

New Playlist

Hey! I got a Playlist!!
Scroll down....no down more....that's right. All the way to the bottom.

Sorry, that's the only way I could get it to work :)

Allow me to make it up by posting a picture!!
I posted this picture earlier, but I touched it up a bit and added some,
well....look and see for yourself.

The Wonderful Bad Days

Man, what a rough week! I was just totally loaded down with homework, piano practice for up-coming Christmas recital, volunteering at the annual "Harvest Hoedown" at KPC from 2-9... Of course, "fall-ing behind" on daylight savings time was nice, but I was SOOOOO exhausted after church today, that I had to take a 2 hour nap! That was amazing. Life has kind of got me down now, and I don't know why, but it seems like all I can do is keep on smiling... I can't help it. Jesus is so good to me. Sometimes I feel so squashed between my busy schedule, God has to scrape me off the sides with a spatula. but still, I feel...at peace. It's a chaotic peace, though - a jumble of restful dissaray.

I think when we have "bad days," it's up to us how long we keep on wallowing in our misery. I sometimes wonder if there's not still a little 5-year-old in all of us, that just wants to pout and make everybody else miserable because things didn't go our way. We keep on hoping that, if we keep on whining and frowning, someone will eventually look down see how pitiful we are and give us sympathy. What we don't realize is that people stand out because of their constant joyfulness - not miserableness - even when they're stuck in a hard place. That's how we get noticed. That's how God wants us to stand out, and He rewards us for it. Sometimes I look back on a really bad day that I have had, not one in particular, but I have to realize what a mess I made of my life. It is usually my fault, after all. Jesus was standing there the whole day, just a prayer away, but I refused to realize this in the heat of my rebellious anger. He lets us mess up to show us how we need Him. He peppers us with love without babying us. He lets me fall, so that He can be the One to catch me.

Now, don't think me totally apathetic for saying this, but I have a hard time understanding Christians who are constantly depressed, always drawing others around them under their raincloud of doom. I see how people can get like this, (like some certain groups in society which I need not point out) if they don't have the love of Jesus in their lives, but how can you, even with Christ constantly loving on you, still find the worst things in life to dwell on? What a terrible, cold way to live!

Proverbs 23:7 says "As a man (or woman!) thinks in his (her) heart, so is he (she)." If you are constantly dwelling on things of this world, it will soon capture your heart and drag you down to its level. If all you can think about is the rotton things in life, your heart will soon become a stinking, rotton garbage heap that everybody avoids. Sorry for the graphicness of that last analogy; it was the first thing that came to mind, however, true.

This is the reality of my life. This is my heart. People ask me, "how do you keep on smiling?" This is the answer. So before you ask me again, read this. It is as detailed and as simplified as I can possibly get it, if that makes any sense at all.

YES! I spoke my heart without rhyming once! I'm trying a bit of journaling, instead of songs. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE songs, they will always be a part of my heart, but rhyming reaches a certain level of insincereness, especially when you have to settle for a word that doesn't completely express your feelings just because it doesn't fit. That is the sole error of peotry, I believe. I think TRUE poetry is such an art because you really think through what you are trying to say before you actually say it, which is hard enough. Then you have to find the PERFECT number of words, syllables, sequences, rhyming, all that. If it even makes sense, you're good to go. If it rhymes and makes sense it's a miracle. I CANNOT write songs when I'm dwelling on things other than Jesus, or it comes out sounding like a kindergarten sing-along. When I dwell on the Lord, He is my reward! And that is exactly the way I want my relationship to be! I love how Jesus keeps me on track. It's just another way He reveals His love.


Would it break y'all's heart if I didn't post a photo just for once?